my dates next week: pros & cons

On-line, on telephone, and on email, at least, my two dates this week appear better than any I’ve had for ages. To try to gauge the difference, or perhaps the distance, between pre-date image and the reality of the man, I’m going to write out some thoughts about them now, well ahead of time, so I can go back afterwards and compare.

* * *

Man 1

pros
1) looks sexy in pictures, says he’s 6-feet tall, has a deep, sexy phone voice
2) so far, a man of his word: for our first phone conversation, he asked me to call at such-and-such a time, and there he was, answering the phone right away. then he said he was going on a trip, would arrive home on z-day and call me on z+1-day. he did call me — around 11 a.m. — on that very day.
3) he’s funny. his first email was witty, and so is his phone conversation; he’s quick & sharp.
4) in both our phone conversations so far, he jokes about sex in a way that I like. he has a light touch: his joking suggests a welcome and appropriate interest in sex, but everything is said just lightly enough that his comments don’t sound aggressive or unpleasant in any way.
5) one of his [now adult] children, in an on-line memoir of a difficult time in his [the child's] own youth, praises his father highly, calling him loving and good. that’s high praise!
6) he seems to be a good parent, involved closely in both of his children’s lives
7) he’s busy, occupied with a kind of work that interests me

cons
1) his profile suggests a scepticism about women, but it may just be about women on-line
2) in our two phone conversations, his comments about his ex-wife and about an ex-girlfriend left me feeling just a tad uncomfortable. he spoke directly, even rather bluntly about both. however, that could just be his honest, blunt manner, and not a slight manifestation of misogyny. misogyny may be far too strong a word to use. But I wanted to note that response (of mine) here, in case it becomes relevant later. he made it clear that the wife was difficult (though beautiful) and the ex-girlfriend was more interested in him (now) than he in her.
3) he seems to have had a lot of women as overnight guests. that’s potentially good (he likes women and has lots of experience in bed) or not (he has been divorced forever and doesn’t really want another even semi-permanent woman in his life).

* * *

performer
pros

1) I’ve had two phone conversations with him also, and in both he was very easy to talk to and very pleasant.
2) we seem to have the same taste in and responses to many things (movies et al.)
3) he’s very well-known — famous, in fact, though not a celebrity — in his profession, one that interests me very much.
4) at one point in our first emailing phase, I didn’t hear back from him and thought I might have offended him in some way. so I sent a kind of farewell email, saying we probably weren’t each other’s type anyway, but adding some praise of his work. then I rec’d a distressed email from him, really concerned that I was saying goodbye: it turned out he had answered my email but I had never rec’d his response; and that my message, the one I thought possibly offensive, had made him like me more, and he was upset that we weren’t going to meet. that message was very sweet — or perhaps I should say flattering. he seemed to have gotten a sense of what I was like (an accurate one) and really wanted to meet me because of that.
5) he’s driving all the way to the city from a remote rural place where he spends the summer to meet me
6) he appears to have a close and affectionate relationship with his children
7) it’s my impression from what I’ve read on the web that he’s highly respected by professional colleagues

cons
1) 3 marriages
2) a septuagenarian, though just barely
3) in the photos, at least, not as sexy as Man 1, but I remember how dreadful Rolly (and my two other favorite men so far) looked in photos, and how good-looking they were in person, so I must include this caveat here
4) he doesn’t make me laugh. I make him laugh…but he’s very serious, though nice-serious, not tiresome-serious. so far.

* * *

So that’s it.

This pre-date phase is very pleasant — no disillusion, lots of pleasant anticipation — and I’m really enjoying the weekend.

CLARIFICATION
In the post two before this one, ‘the farmers in the dell,’ I referred to S as one of the two men I’d be seeing this coming week. Although S phoned Thursday night and talked for an hour, to my surprise in all that time he never asked me out. He said something vague about calling (or seeing me?? I can’t remember) ‘next week.’ I don’t know if he could hear my ambivalence, or if I wasn’t encouraging enough, or if he’s simply going to plan his week when he returns. I must admit, I was relieved not to have to say yes (or no) to a date. Maybe that was audible somehow.

And then the next morning, Friday, Man 1 phoned to ask me out.

CLARIFICATION UPDATE
S has just sent me an email message, telling me how beautiful it is today, Sunday, out in the rural hinterlands of a neighboring state — the same rural hinterlands where Performer is currently sojourning. S asks if my children have settled on dinner dates yet; I forgot that that was the reason S and I hadn’t scheduled a date. Hmmm…it’s going to be a busy week, I think.

CLARIFICATION UPDATE UPDATE
S has now called again and not asked me out! (It was a brief call, because I was busy.) This is fine with me, because I have a really busy week already, but it’s odd…could it be that he just wants to chat? or that he’s nervous and wants to get some sense of my feelings before asking me on a second date? or he’s shy? Hey, whatever; guess I’ll find out what he wants soon enough.

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