the last Xmas with my eX

On our last Christmas together — wait a sec, it was hardly ‘our,’ because we didn’t experience it the same way — and we never had, over the previous 23 years — and it wasn’t really ‘Christmas,’ because we’re both Jewish, though I was brought up with Christmas, and he’s now posing pompously as a big shit Unitarian — nor for that matter was it ‘together,’ because we had very little to do with one another — okay, so on December 25, 2004, ‘our’ last ‘Christmas’ ‘together’ — that’s more like it — do you know what he gave me??

Of course you don’t.

You couldn’t imagine what it was.

A fucking bristly scrub-brush, that’s what he gave me.

Here it is:

The very one.

I kept it to remind myself of ‘our’ last ‘Christmas’ ‘together.’

* * *

Our usual Christmas custom, at least at it evolved over the last ten years or so of our marriage, was this: he would give a gift in my honor (I never knew the amount) to a charity of my choice (see? a tax-deduction; and he didn’t give one at all the year he gave me the fucking bristly scrub-brush) and give me a small, token present; and I did the same for him, though my token gifts were larger and nicer, and I did give a charitable gift in his ‘honor’ in 2004.

When I opened his ‘token’ ‘gift’ — I believe he had the balls to wrap it — I didn’t even say thank you. And he didn’t look as if he expected me to.

* * *
When a recent New York Times feature on giving noted that ‘the biggest effect of gift giving may be on ourselves. Giving to others reinforces our feelings for them and makes us feel effective and caring’ (not exactly news from the cutting-edge of anthropology, but nonetheless useful to hear again every year), I remembered, as I read it, what Performer had told me, that he likes giving ‘expensive jewelry’ (his words) to women.

* * *

You probably can’t tell it from this blog — or maybe you can — but I’m not the ‘expensive jewelry’ type. I wear one ring, a small tin band given to me as a ‘friendship ring’ by my seventh-grade best friend. And I wear two bracelets, one a political ’cause’ one given to me by my older child, and one I bought for myself at Macy’s.

I don’t like to wear expensive jewelry for many reasons: 1) I might lose it, and then where would we be? 2) it might attract the attention of muggers; and 3) I like simple, inexpensive jewelry.

* * *
So I’ve been meaning to give Performer advance warning of that, and to ask him not to spend a lot of money on me. I’m a bit of a puritan in that respect.

* * *
But after reading the New York Times article, I could see that it might still be good to let him spend something on me. God knows I don’t want precious stones or pearls, not even the tiniest, but I sure as hell don’t want a fucking bristly scrub-brush.

(Little chance of getting one from Performer….)

* * *
Really!!

I think that’s the most hostile present I’ve ever received.

* * *
Next spring will be my ex’s 70th birthday. Maybe I’ll send the bristly scrub-brush to him with a message, suggesting a possible use for it…

Explore posts in the same categories: i've got a good idea where he can put it