dating & thanksgiving: the story continues; with update

I saw Performer last night but was too exhausted to broach this issue, and we both had much to do early in the morning.

However, tonight, when we talk on the phone, I’m going to say that I’d like him to tell the children the truth before they all come over on Thanksgiving, or to come alone (something he had originally suggested, if they eat dinner elsewhere earlier in the day), or (if he doesn’t want to leave the children alone) not to come at all.

My older child was upset at the suggestion of hiding the relationship, and that, for me, is the clincher: I don’t want my children upset because Performer and his almost-ex-wife have not yet informed their children of their divorce, which is in progress and passes a major legal milestone this week (or is supposed to….they’ve reached that point several times before but said milestone has not been passed).

So that’s where we are….

And all the complexities of arranging this ritual dinner emerged out of my meeting with Performer at 2:55 pm Tuesday 26 June, at a restaurant/bar near Lincoln Center.

That was only the beginning.

* * *

Match.com was the catalyst, but the continuing issues are ours.

* * *

NB ‘not coming at all’ means exactly what it says: not the end of the relationship, but just separate Thanksgivings. We’ll probably be going out on the Saturday or Sunday of that weekend.

* * *

‘Mother’ trumps ‘girlfriend.’

That’s where we are now.

But soon, I hope, the two roles will not be in conflict.

* * *
UPDATE MONDAY NIGHT
I told Performer (over the telephone) that it couldn’t happen as planned….he understood. He’s going to see if he and his almost-ex can come to an agreement soon about telling the children What’s Going On. It’s funny how this was a children-to-children thing, even though mine have never met his. They identified with them in a way that seems to me ‘political,’ as I often identify with women I’ve never met (with, just for example, Performer’s almost-ex Becky!). My kids instinctively felt they didn’t want the wool pulled over these children’s eyes, didn’t want to participate in that deception of some of ‘their own.’ What’s motivating P now to tell them sooner than he thought he would is that he already told them they were going to a Thanksgiving ‘party.’

SO! Stay tuned. Things are happening.

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