mimi’s dreams: another one
Morning of 21 October
Sunday. In bed alone. Performer away for a week performing.
I was in a space that was meant to be the company I work for, but it wasn’t really. Had somehow met a man who was a father of a younger colleague; her name was ‘Christina Eddy,’ but his last name was different. Nb There are three young women all named Christina at my office at the moment. It has always been the most common name there. Don’t know why the last name –because it’s male?? Have no idea. Anyway, this man, her father or so it seemed, was nice-looking, tall, sort of bland-seeming but attractive to me and also it seems attracted to me. We were sort of circling around one another, both aware of the fact that it was a kind of taboo relationship, because I was acting in a professional capacity (on the job) and he was the father of someone under my instruction.
So it was very LITE flirting.
But finally we got to the stage where he had decided to give me his phone number and his name. We were being kind of surreptitious about this. I had a piece of paper for him to write on, but it was covered with other writing, writing of all kinds – scribbles, info, names, Things To Remember etc. It was almost impossible to find a blank space for him to write on, but finally we did. And then I thought I ought to give him my number, but neither of us had another piece of paper, so I was going to have to tear a little shred off the written-on piece, but it was, again, hard to find a blank space.
Finally I found a small one and tore it off, but I remember no more of that. All this time, hovering around me in an encouraging way, knowing somehow the whole situation and trying to keep our secret and yet to help and encourage us, was Ruth, a colleague/friend whom I’ve supported in various professional ways over the past 5 or 6 years.
It was at her reading last week that I sat behind the writer who had had an affair with Rolly 40 years ago. It was Ruth who pointed out that writer to me.
So Ruth was glad this man and I had finally managed to exchange names and phone numbers, but a moment later JJ was on the scene. JJ is an extremely unpleasant, envious, hostile colleague who resents every success of mine, though God knows I don’t boast or mention anything anywhere near his presence, but he does minimal professional work himself and is simply not known beyond our company. He was somehow sitting in a chair and talking to both of us, the man and me, in a very nasty, angry, unpleasant way.
Although he wasn’t explicitly referring to the budding but not yet acknowledged romance, he appeared to be…..he was trying to manifest a lot of power and control over us.
Very unpleasant.
And then I woke up……..
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Possible Interpretation
First, the feelings:
– I liked the tall man; he was kind, pleasant, quiet, attractive because he was so unpushy yet consistent in his manner to me. I knew he liked me but was being polite and trying – for my sake – not to let his interest become noticeable.
– I was very angry at JJ for butting in and being so nasty and talking in such a loud voice.
– Ruth: I knew she could be trusted. She knew my feelings without my telling her.
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Interpretation:
Well, let’s see, it looks like a division into good and bad men/ fathers /partners.
Duh.
Performer is both of them: Performer being nice and Performer being angry.
Trying to get them both into one person. The nasty one sort of split off from the nice one. Like Performer a couple of weeks ago when he was angry, JJ was sitting down and facing me at a slight angle and talking in a loud voice, and I wasn’t saying anything. I ran upstairs then, and this time, in the dream, I woke up……….same thing or so it seems.
(For Performer’s anger, see “significant episode” at the end of the post just before this one, the apartment/boyfriend comparison.)
Who is Ruth? Is she my mother? Or is she my friend Kathleen who met Performer for the first time this past Friday night, and told me how much she liked him?
Who knows.
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The dream is about my effort to keep on loving Performer and not build up / store up anger at him.
If my ex can represent Performer when I’m angry at him, then JJ can represent Performer angry at me!
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Don’t understand the piece of paper bit….trying to make room for him in my busy life???
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The whole atmosphere of secrecy with the “lite” flirting: because no one at work knows (yet) about my private life; they don’t know I’m divorced and they don’t know about my dating or about Performer. Better that way….if you knew the place where I worked, you’d understand why.
* * *
More Interpretation
Maybe the name “Christina Eddy” because Performer is the father of a daughter and a son; this shows I think of him as a father, as someone’s father, and (therefore) of the relationship as somewhat taboo (wow!).
The “secretive” “taboo” aspect could also be because he hasn’t yet told his children about me (in addition to the fact mentioned above, that people at my office have not been kept up-to-date about my private life). So I do feel we’re sort of “circling around one another” and being “surreptitious” for two reasons. Then the dream, I guess, is one take, or one of my takes, on the present moment.
