museum of the history of man; my man, that is
Vignettes from my first visit to Performer’s New York apartment
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His first wedding was in June (so was mine) and his second wedding was in October (so was mine). Don’t know when his third wedding was.
The apartment was full of ghosts, mostly the ghosts of all the women in his life, many of whom had lived there or at least been laid there.
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I said to him, Aren’t you glad I’m old enough not to ask, Am I the woman you’ve been waiting for all your life?
His answer: Yes.
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In 1952 or 53 or so, Performer looked (according to a photo he showed me) sort of like Elvis Presley — the wavy hair, the intense sexy look in the eyes, the tilt of the head in the headshot, the movie-star-ish look. He’s the kind of person I never would have said a word to in those days; but then, I was six or seven when he was 16 and 17….there’s a kind of culture gap between us.
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I saw photos from Performer’s first wedding. His first wife was very attractive and had great legs. I’ve also seen photos (courtesy of the NYT archives) from his second wedding.
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Given the fact that we met on 26 June 2006, why (you may be wondering) didn’t I visit his apt till this past Friday 12 October?
Reasons:
1) till 6 September he was out of town “performing” and his apt was sublet;
2) it was left in a less-than-perfect condition of cleanliness and tidiness, and it took a while to get it back to rights;
3) because he lives in an old building, built c. 1905, the wiring is ancient and can’t accomodate more than one a/c. It’s a huge apt, and it has been very hot until this past week. And neither P nor I like hot weather, so we were more comfortable in my apt, which has 3 air-conditioners.
4) I live closer to many of the things we’ve done (movie theatres, concerts, et al.).
5) My apt is cosier….but his is v. interesting & full of atmosphere. He has lived there for almost 40 years….
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And because he has lived there almost 40 years (38.5 I think to be exact, or to be sort-of exact, which I guess is not exact at all), the ghosts were prominent, evident, present. I felt the ghost of wife #2, about whom he talks the least, so I’m sort of interested in her. It was she who put up the huge mirror in the living room, which P nevertheless left up after she had moved out. It was she who painted one of the extra bedrooms a color P didn’t like; that room became the bedroom of the son of the woman who lived with him for almost ten years, Barbara, virtually a wife….P and Barb had to paint several coats on the walls to get rid of the color. And years later, when rumor reached Becky (his now almostexwife) that someone had seen Barbara’s clothes “leaving P’s apt,” Becky (as Performer tells the story) made a move for him almost immediately. She had had her eye on him….
It’s odd, isn’t it, that he would still have wedding pix from weddings 1 and 2? but maybe not. Remember Daniel, my date in March, whose apt I had dinner at on our second date? he not only had pictures of his recently dead companion covering every wall; he even had a picture on his kitchen bulletin board (!) of his ex-wife, ex from sometime in the 1970s. Performer’s old pix were in an envelope in a bag in a closet.
So back to wife #2, whom I’ll call Deirdre. I had seen the wedding picture in the NYT, as well as the engagement picture (those were the days… and she came from the kind of family that did that kind of thing). She looked ethereally beautiful in those pictures, but that was the style of photography used for Young Ladies back in the late 60s — very far from the present moment, a great improvement to my mind, when not only are the pix informal snapshots, but they’re often of two men or two women.
But “the sixties” had not altogether happened in 1968…not to mention the 1990s, a period of just as much social change, though you hear about that much less.
Anyway, one snapshot of Deirdre that P showed me made her look more human, though still extremely pretty. P looked more like his present self in that picture and less like Elvis Presley. The two of them together, in animated conversation with other people at a party from about 1973, looked like characters from a middle-period Woody Allen movie. It looked like the kind of party I would have enjoyed.
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I also saw one adorable baby pic of Performer, in which he looked very girlish — lots of long curls and a pretty little shirt. He wasn’t at all bothered by the girlish look ; he is more comfortable with his masculinity than any man I’ve ever met. But then, with a zillion (I mean, 3) ex-wives and thousands (12) of ex-girlfriends, why shouldn’t he be? Clearly, he’s always able to find a woman. I hope and believe I’m The Last — the last in a long genealogy!
A flattering genealogy, at least given what the first two look like. I don’t think Becky’s at all attractive, but….that’s a verboten comment. However, P doesn’t read this blog; he’s too busy performing.
A very active man, considering that he’s 70. My ex is retired; he never liked work, as you may remember from my write-up of his match.com profile. He was a putterer. But Performer is a worker and likes to Achieve Things….he performs, teaches, writes books, promotes the business side of what he does, and is very busy.
I think during his first two marriages he was So Busy that he ignored his wives much of the time….though he complains that Becky has often been too busy to spend time with him and their children.
Fortunately P and I are about equally busy.
But when he needs off-time, he doesn’t blog; he watches DVDs or PBS.
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No roach sightings in his apartment!
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But a typically male refrigerator: besides a bit of cheese and some milk bought for me, its contents were mostly leftover take-out meals.
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An uncomfortable mattress; probably many ghosts embedded (ha ha) in that mattress too, but it was the sinking in the middle of it that bothered me, not the ghosts.
Hey, we’re 60 and 70: if you don’t have ghosts by then, what on earth have you been doing all your life??
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Clearly, the ghosts took up more space than the furniture, at least as I perceived things.
A museum of the history of Performer’s erotic life….not visible, but it permeated the air.
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