news about rolly
Rolly’s profile is down.
Since he first entered my consciousness on 4 September 2006, his profile has never been absent from jdate.
What does this mean?
I hope it doesn’t mean that he’s in love.
His jdate patterns have been erratic since we broke up in December: from that day, 10 December, through about the third week in January, he was frantically logging on, about 4 or 5 times a day.
Then he gradually eased off, and there was a period in late February / early March when he let days go by without visiting jdate.
Then, recently, he started up again, and over the past few weeks he was logging on a lot.
Now, suddenly, for the first time — no Rolly.
Possibilities:
1) he’s in love. He has found someone, someone so important that he doesn’t even want to keep scanning the women on jdate, as he continued to do throughout our 44-day relationship.
2) he’s giving up — on jdate, on women, on dating.
3) some third possibility that I can’t imagine.
I’m tempted to email him, but if the possibility is #1 above, I don’t really want to know. And if it’s #2 above, he’ll be somewhat depressed and may (may) tell me it’s none of my business.
Of course, it isn’t any of my business anyway.
But I’m curious.
This Saturday I’ll be going to see someone in his neighborhood, the same person I visited back in Feb (see earlier post…) when the large chunk of ice fell from just above the door to his building as I was standing there stalking him…hoping to see him and hoping not to see him, both about equally.
So I’ll stalk him again…but if I see him with another woman, especially at this rather manless time for me, I’ll be upset. On the other hand, I don’t know if I can keep myself away from his building, given its proximity to where I’ll be walking.
Maybe he’s just changing the profile….though I doubt it.
He has a 74th birthday coming up soon, but it’s not yet, and I don’t think that would make him leave jdate. However, and more depressingly, our last email exchange, about three weeks ago, ended with my message to him. Maybe he didn’t write back because of this New Relationship.
I wonder if I’ll ever find out. Maybe the matchmaker will do his magic so I can stop returning to this sad subject.
UPDATE Wednesday 2 May
He’s back.
His profile is up again, with no changes, with the same date of last revision or whatever they call it. And he’s still ‘69,’ ha ha.
Soon that will be 5 years off; but then, about half the men I’ve met through jdate shave 5 or so years off their age. I wonder what the story behind the disappearance and reappearance of the profile is…but I don’t wonder that much. R has such an odd relationship with jdate, always denying that he’s still a member, that very little can be learned about the reality of his romantic life from his jdate interactions. And btw he was last logged on 8 hours ago, so he’s up and running as usual.
I must stop checking him…though he ‘views’ me, he told me a few weeks ago, but he ‘views’ invisibly (as do I). For non jdaters:
that means your profile doesn’t appear when you view someone else’s profile.
Anyway, as soon as the matchmaker’s men start calling — or the man, at any rate; he sends them one at a time, I believe — I hope I can move Rolly to a back corner of my mind. I think thinking about him is just a bad habit now, anyway, and not a serious emotion.
Hard to tell the difference.
May 3, 2007 at 3:15 am
Maybe I’m not remembering or maybe you didn’t post, but why didn’t things work out between you and Rolly?
May 3, 2007 at 3:26 am
dear not-so,
ah me, you’re the second person to ask that…kg asked it in a comment on my post
‘the matchmaking odds’ on 28 april, and i’ll just cut and paste below what i told kg.
believe me, i remind myself a couple of times every day why things didn’t work out…!
EARLIER COMMENT:
what went wrong with Rolly?
yes, my friends ask me that too.
all i can say in this public forum is that it didn’t work, and i’m really sorry about that, but i accepted that fact immediately. for one thing, rolly is about to be 74, and at some level, or to some extent, he just doesn’t want a ‘permanent relationship,’ although of course that’s what his profile says he wants. he has been married twice (the second time for 13 years, to the mother of his children) and has had two relationships in the intervening 28 years, each lasting about 5 years. perhaps the simplest way of putting it is that although he likes women very much and is a very romantic person, at another level he just prefers being alone.
ADDED 2 MAY: to put it simply, i guess you could just say he’s ambivalent about being in a fully committed relationship. i remember one charming thing he did:
i take a lot of sugar in my coffee or tea, and he went out and bought a one-pound box
[which i could go through in a week] and said, smiling, ‘not that it’s a commitment or anything….’ !!!